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Drama Series
i know there's no one viewing my blog anymore. In a way, it's kind of nice having privacy(although there's really an option to keep the blog secret but i didn't choose it coz i chose to share) but i still miss the feeling of people having to react on my posts. :)
Well, here is my "drama series" a personal one of which I've experienced during December last year. These were written during the time I felt it. So, it's in an emotional form and not in my normal way of writing which contained deep words which I happen to pick up from good ol' Encarta Dictionary. :))
December 12, 2008
You just don't know how much I'm missing you. You just don't know how much my heart yearns to see you and talk to you even though a text would do just fine. You just don't know how much I wanted to visit you and thought that it wasn't much of a good idea. You haven't even had the slightest idea how great my feelings for you is. You can only begin to guess and fail. So I'm asking, are you mad at me? Tell me please. I promise, I would just keep quiet and never bother you again.
December 13, 2008
You're back to your old self: the .... that I know. The .... that I was constantly texting. The .... whom I do not dare say my feelings so wholly, I could only give hints. Oh, you just don't know how much happiness it brings me that you're texting me again. I really missed you. When we're not texting, it felt like the longest day of my life.
December 14, 2008
I didn't get a single text from you again. I know you've justified yourself by saying that you're quite tired of texting. But... I just can't seem to accept that reason. I feel depressed.. again. *sigh* And what's bad with it, my last text last night was about me, missing you. Then, you replied an hour later with ".... bla bla ...." Of course, I wasn't able to reply because it was in the wee hours of the morning already. *sigh* I don;'t know if you're deliberately avoiding me or what. But still, you're texts give me happiness. How I wish you'd just tell me directly and not make me feel rejected every single time.
December 16 and 17, 2008
I think I would just summarize the two. These 2 days were the peak of my depression. this is the part when I've gotten into the conclussion that she's avoiding me.December 18, 2008
Avoidance must be the most painful thing you've been doing to me. Without goodbyes, without explanations. I ask you the reasons, you don't even give a reply. I'm going insane with every single day that you're avoiding me. I want to cry, I want to dissipate. And the worst feeling of all is that I can't do anything about it. I want you to be happy but I want you to be mine too.It's such conflicting things right now that I can't afford to be happy even though you are. I don't know what to feel also. I laugh like I do everyday. But at times, my mind lingers for a while and I remember what you're doing to me. People wonder, but I can't tell them the reason behind what's happening to me. I can only write these things on my phone, everyday. I do this to remind me of the pain being inflicted upon me.
-as of 12 noon
and then....Yet now, you texted me again. Making my heart skip a beat. How do you manage to know just when to cheer this sober heart of mine?
December 19, 2008
This is really a secret. So I'll just let you on a glimpse. OK?How come you never did that with me? It's weird. I was really convinced now that I'm just a nothing to you after everything you've confided and shared with me. I was crying, a last outburst of emotions.
But right when I was done with mourning, you texted me again. It gave me a new light, a whole new hope. I don't know how you do it, but you just do. You make me feel complete again. Completely insane.
December 25, 2008
And I was drowned in my fantasies of you and me again. How nice this disposition of mine is. I feel as if everything was conspiring with my desires and wishes. We we're texting for half a day(12 hours, is what I meant) although there are gaps.But still, amidst everyone saying that I should move on, I refuse to adhere to what they say.I still feel strongly attached to this emotions towards you. Ask you? And then this whole thing might be over. I may win or lose. BUt at least, it would end. However, I could still find great bliss in what I do. I still don't wanna move on if ever she won't accept me.
I'd still want to be yours. That's how strong your hold on me is.Haha. 2008 really had a lot of things in store for me. Especially that last month. It's as if December was put in too my life to make me realize that everything comes with a hardship, and it may be a very hard one. December made me realize a lot of things it made me different. I feel stronger now. I've experienced a lot of things. And now, I believe, I know who I trully am. :)
posted by gimickero
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sembreaaaaaaaaaaaaaayk
oh God! i've been waiting for this thing. Now that i'm experiencing it, I kind of regret wishing for it. :P right now, i'm just sitting in my chair, writing this post for my now rarely visited blog. @_@
Now, I had a lot of things happen to me during my first sem in UST Nursing. I had a lot of hardships. And yet, I lived through it. I'm still here, happy as ever. I made a lot of good friends. Some of them, showed their true selves and it's good actually. At least, I wasn't able to trust him/her with my secrets. I had someone mad at me for some reason I don't know. I had friends that I don't know if I could still trust. I had friends, who backed me up. It's kinda fun. The medley of all these stuffs. It's a fresh experience for me. I RARELY quarrel with others. It's coz I'm an unusually meek person. I prefer staying silent. But, there it went.
Yeah, another thing that was kind of new to me is FAILING. I never thought that I would experience a lot of failed quizes in my life. I never experienced failing this much when I was in gradeschool and in highschool. I mean, I still manage to get a final grade of 85(81's my lowest ever grade). But now, I got 77 for my Chemistry. And that does not include my Finals grade. So it's still not the total. And that's giving me worries.
So, still, I'm thankful for having been given this sembreak. I had a REAL BREAK from all of these that bother me. I get to have miles away from UST so it won't bring any memories to me. :P
Alright, bye for now
posted by gimickero
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I joined a pre-Pageant
Yes, as you are reading in my title,
I joined a pre-Pageant. Mr./Ms. Thomasian Nursing Personality to be exact. I originally knew it because I was part of this organization called Logistics group whose main function is to help the Student Council in its programs. I saw the posters-it was nicely done. I heard the sponsor for the main pageant- it was Topshop/Topman(they're trying to get the store, they say). I was greatly encouraged by these factors.
I was hesitant to get a form, of course. I'm naturally shy and I don't join these kinds of contest unless, forced into. Then, in class, our adviser thought of having a votation. The top 3, supposedly, would be our representatives in the pre-pageant. Unfortunately, the 2nd in rank did not want to join. SO, as a rank 4, I was elevated to rank 3. I got a form.
There were times that I wanted to back out.. It's because I was hesitant to be questioned in front of strangers(Imagine what they would say when I gave a bad answer). Also, I am not quite sure if I was 5'6. HAHA. One more thing, I did not know what the other contestants look like. I didn't know if my looks can match theirs.
Then, yesterday, it happened. I walked down the ramp. I said my name and my section and went to the backstage. My heart was pounding. I can feel the weird heat radiating from the audience as I spoke. But just the same, I did it. After coming back to the dressing room, I changed to my casual wear. T'was a longsleeved shirt, folded so that it would only reach 3/4 of my arm. Then I tucked it in so that it would reveal my black belt fitted into my white jeans. The staffer assisting us told the other staffer, "gusto ko suotin yung damit nya". Of course, it flattered me. Then, my time for the Q&A came.
The question went like this: "If you would win this competition, how would it help you?"
My answer: I think ummm... it would increase my self-esteem. My um... belief in myself. And maybe, umm... I could join other competitions.
Of course, I felt bad with my answer. I personally did not think it was a great answer. It won't even have an impact. My real answer would have been:
I think that if I would win this competition, I would be proud of myself. Imagine having been picked by the College to represent the Mr. Thomasian Personality. It just means that I perfectly exemplify the values that this College aims to instill to its future nurses. Indeed, that would greatly make me strive harder to maintain that image that the college has given me. That's all.If that would be my answer... Nah, I still don't know. It's just unfair how others got questions like "What is your stand in the issue of teaching sex education to gradeschool students?" and "What is your stand in the issue of euthanasia?" If I had those questions, I would certainly awe the judges. Those were questions that care the people, not me. Those questions are not only interesting to the judges and the contestants, to the crowd as well. Any answer is safe with it because it is an opinion either way. There's only 2 answers with it. A yes or a no. Unlike my question which has a lot of possible questions.
See my point? However, I don't feel bitter over such a thing. I HAD FUN. That's all there is. :)
posted by gimickero
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Well, it’s been a long time since I’ve blogged. I find it a little bit weird to write something in it again. I’ve become used to having my thoughts and feelings secluded. However, today, I will again.
A lot of things have happened. Yeah, I took exams on the Top 4 Universities in the Philippines. I passed the three except for UP. Now, I’m a Thomasian. Yes, I’ve decided to enter the 400 year old university and now, I barely have time for myself because of the rigid training that the College of Nursing is providing even to its freshman students.
STRESS. Yes, I’ve to a lot of stressful situations. Physically, Mentally and Emotionally. Physically, because I have to walk for 20 minutes to reach my building. I had to skip breakfasts at times because it takes time to prepare. I had to bear with my roommates. I had to study way past my bedtime. I had to...! There’s a lot of things to do.
Mental Stress. Having entered the College of Nursing, I never thought it would be as hard as this. I thought, I would only get this kind of feeling when I enter UP. Well, it’s gotten me wrong. I have blockmates who are valedictorians, salutatorians, honorables. Yes, and we all experience failing. That’s how hard Nursing in UST is. Everytime you think that you have grasped what your professor is telling you, you will be proven wrong when the quizzes or the exams come. You would feel depressed for a moment, but later, grow numb and you never feel depression over such things. You would only care about passing the cut-off after the 1st year. However, some still don’t know how to cope with it. I can only pity them.
Emotional. Well, I don’t know if I could really share it. Love is a terrible thing to be into. It makes you smile, laugh, sad, cry, scream in pain, angry, EVERYTHING. IT would make you a ludicrous person. Yet, no matter what I say about love, I still remain to be in love. It’s just a powerful being, unstoppable and indestructible. Who knows when it’ll die? Who knows how it can be suppressed?
But, I live on. I can still do a lot of things in my life and things like this are passable. They can be neglected, something that will pass over time. I guess... and I hope.
posted by gimickero
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70th Post
I can't believe that I've been doing this stupid thing for more than a year. But gradually, I'm thinking of stopping it and putting this site down. Maybe because I have outgrown this stuff already? I don't know.
Well, anyways, I decided to put a post today coz I have time to do so. I had no idea that 4th year life would be this hectic. I rarely have time for my leisurely stuff. But
then again, haha.
My teacher in Physics a while ago was telling as a funny story. I must say that it is really funny. But the fact that that was the first time we saw him laugh, made it alot more funny. It was all because of this prejudgement thing. We had this impression about him already because of his former students telling us all about his DEEDS. But still, all those prejudgings are gone. And now, I am growing fond of him. Especially because I think that he is a great teacher. Even though I get failing grades. Ehehehe. I don't know if I really should share this story with you because it's not mine to tell. So I'll just leave you a question:
"Is it really necessary to jog in place while naked if you're being checked for a physical test?"
- hehe. naughty thing.
posted by gimickero
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